13 Feb 2020, the last day of my 4th office job at the age of 32.
What led to this?
Well, I think narrating this from the beginning (how I got this job) would give myself a clear picture of this ultimatum.
Back in first quarter of 2019 (I forget which month), I heard my mother saying that her company is having cash flow issue and this was justified through company's inability to pay her salary in full since early of 2019 (the company has to split the salary of approximately RM 1000 into two, monthly). I was not surprise because my global macroeconomic analysis still stood for bearish near future. This, to me, is a prelude of a company's end so before allowing my mother to stay jobless (because I can't afford to feed her monthly), I decided to let my position at family satay stall go so that she had a job before shit happened.
With that being set, I need to find another job for myself since our stall was unable to feed three mouths with his current capacity. I had no expansion plan for this stall because I was not willing to pay high health cost in doing hawking business so with the faith that it could still maintain organic growth, I didn't wanna stay at the stall but taking care of only those back end administration.
Besides, I was my own fund manager where my trading portfolio was still active and profitable but I also aware that the urge to trade and survive was not easy and it tended to jeopardize trading psychology which eventually ruined my last income stream.
Those who were reading my Facebook timeline knew that from July to October 2019, I was searching for job here and there, I wasn't able to secure any due to my niche paper qualification (counselor license) which is serving a hardly lucrative sector (mental health services). My crude oil Future analysis was accepted by 1 investment firm and Standard Charted (shout out to Ramone! Thanks!) but I think my interview screwed up and I ended up with nothing, until my investment mate, Dr Yeap who is a vice chairman of a third party administrator decided to give me a chance to start something for her in that medical group.
Here is where main story started!
Given with that trust, faith and possibly her intention to leverage on a violent incident at local factory who happened to be one of her clients, she wanted to start mental health services for that client and of course, the medical group that I joined. Being a freelancer before, I was highly pessimistic on the progress of such venture because I rendered my service for big corporate before and I knew that the nature of financial reporting structure of most foreign corporate (quarterly basis) could not justify mental health investment because it had yet to be publicly receptive here in Penang.
Eventually with her positive vibe, I was able to get a job as Wellness Consultant (Counselor) who was responsible for Employee Assistance Program development, promotion and sales, mental health services for group clinics and in house psychologist. While I was familiarizing with the workplace, I got that same feeling again, where not a lot of people were actually keen to engage me with personal consultation, counseling, assessment or just simple active listening, despite constant promotion by VC in the group. As such, throughout past 4 months, I wasn't able to secure any EAP prospectus or even in house need. In fact, when I was set to mediate and dissolve an internal role conflict among two 2 nurses, I wasn't aware that I was considered failing my job as a psychologist for not developing discreet solution while I was still waiting for cooperation from the nurse manager.
No body wanna get paid without doing anything in the office, as such, my actual day job during those 4 months were moving heavy goods, repairing computers and network, dispatching supply due to shortage after the 2019-nCoV outbreak etc. I felt like I was overpaid for my job, so I was desperate to justify my pay which eventually led to the end of my life in the group.
The black swan of this hurrah was trigger by a decision of the group's client (factory HR personnel) to discontinue my counseling services after her dissatisfaction on the way we communicated after each counseling session was done. While serving my best to protect my client's confidentiality, I didn't disclose much about the session outcome and the way I emailed her was quite directive and objective. In the end, I was barred to enter the premise and my counseling client was referred to another physician to review my case without my knowledge. Knowing this could breach the confidentiality, I was assuming that the physician may open my file without my consent and how my client may be harmed for abrupt and improper referral, I made a big mistake by requesting the nurse to extract my file to be stored in my office. All I was thinking back then was to maintain the confidentiality and doubtfulness of document safety. Of course, I didn't manage to do it, because it was stopped by my direct superior to prevent further damage to be done on factory-group commercial relationship which may affect group's revenue stream (I have no idea how big that client is to the group). At the very same day, my VC friend confronted me on my act and questioned my personal integrity by saying,
"Andrew, have you forgotten your medicine?"
"Are you having any personality disorder?"
Sensing that I was quite angry on her remark, we didn't continue the conversation because anything that followed served nothing productive but damage on our relationship.
We didn't meet after that day, and of course, I was first given a warning letter then "politely" asked to leave the group through indirect communication (messaging through my superior and human resource manager).
To be, this is just another losing trade to lose a hedge (salary) on my overall personal fund, but I began to notice my inclination to challenge authority and inability to trust my superior if s/he is not from the same background or shared profession with me.
Come to think of it, I found that the way I connect with others is pretty much avoidant (may it be dismissive or fearful as depicted above). In Adlerian term, I fell into Power and Inadequacy,
I don't stop learning anything because I believe that knowledge is power and it is the way to shut some people off, and in trading, info is money. My VC friend commented that my animated speaking pattern is a result of my inferiority that I have to be weird in the way I convey my message across (with exaggerated hand gestures and facial expression). I forget that despite that being yourself is about having the Courage to be dislike, I need to maintain social interest with others and do no harm (even though I questioned that, because emotion is subjective. How can you sure that what you do unto others is not hurtful unless s/he expresses it?).
There you have it. Words helps to label emotional experience and further calming down the brain through effective storage of emotional experience into hippocampus while activating pre-frontal cortex (the rational mind).
Thank you for reading this and I hope this could help you to understand me more, inspire you or remind you something.
You care and I know who you are
xoxo
What led to this?
Well, I think narrating this from the beginning (how I got this job) would give myself a clear picture of this ultimatum.
Back in first quarter of 2019 (I forget which month), I heard my mother saying that her company is having cash flow issue and this was justified through company's inability to pay her salary in full since early of 2019 (the company has to split the salary of approximately RM 1000 into two, monthly). I was not surprise because my global macroeconomic analysis still stood for bearish near future. This, to me, is a prelude of a company's end so before allowing my mother to stay jobless (because I can't afford to feed her monthly), I decided to let my position at family satay stall go so that she had a job before shit happened.
With that being set, I need to find another job for myself since our stall was unable to feed three mouths with his current capacity. I had no expansion plan for this stall because I was not willing to pay high health cost in doing hawking business so with the faith that it could still maintain organic growth, I didn't wanna stay at the stall but taking care of only those back end administration.
Besides, I was my own fund manager where my trading portfolio was still active and profitable but I also aware that the urge to trade and survive was not easy and it tended to jeopardize trading psychology which eventually ruined my last income stream.
Those who were reading my Facebook timeline knew that from July to October 2019, I was searching for job here and there, I wasn't able to secure any due to my niche paper qualification (counselor license) which is serving a hardly lucrative sector (mental health services). My crude oil Future analysis was accepted by 1 investment firm and Standard Charted (shout out to Ramone! Thanks!) but I think my interview screwed up and I ended up with nothing, until my investment mate, Dr Yeap who is a vice chairman of a third party administrator decided to give me a chance to start something for her in that medical group.
Here is where main story started!
Given with that trust, faith and possibly her intention to leverage on a violent incident at local factory who happened to be one of her clients, she wanted to start mental health services for that client and of course, the medical group that I joined. Being a freelancer before, I was highly pessimistic on the progress of such venture because I rendered my service for big corporate before and I knew that the nature of financial reporting structure of most foreign corporate (quarterly basis) could not justify mental health investment because it had yet to be publicly receptive here in Penang.
Eventually with her positive vibe, I was able to get a job as Wellness Consultant (Counselor) who was responsible for Employee Assistance Program development, promotion and sales, mental health services for group clinics and in house psychologist. While I was familiarizing with the workplace, I got that same feeling again, where not a lot of people were actually keen to engage me with personal consultation, counseling, assessment or just simple active listening, despite constant promotion by VC in the group. As such, throughout past 4 months, I wasn't able to secure any EAP prospectus or even in house need. In fact, when I was set to mediate and dissolve an internal role conflict among two 2 nurses, I wasn't aware that I was considered failing my job as a psychologist for not developing discreet solution while I was still waiting for cooperation from the nurse manager.
No body wanna get paid without doing anything in the office, as such, my actual day job during those 4 months were moving heavy goods, repairing computers and network, dispatching supply due to shortage after the 2019-nCoV outbreak etc. I felt like I was overpaid for my job, so I was desperate to justify my pay which eventually led to the end of my life in the group.
The black swan of this hurrah was trigger by a decision of the group's client (factory HR personnel) to discontinue my counseling services after her dissatisfaction on the way we communicated after each counseling session was done. While serving my best to protect my client's confidentiality, I didn't disclose much about the session outcome and the way I emailed her was quite directive and objective. In the end, I was barred to enter the premise and my counseling client was referred to another physician to review my case without my knowledge. Knowing this could breach the confidentiality, I was assuming that the physician may open my file without my consent and how my client may be harmed for abrupt and improper referral, I made a big mistake by requesting the nurse to extract my file to be stored in my office. All I was thinking back then was to maintain the confidentiality and doubtfulness of document safety. Of course, I didn't manage to do it, because it was stopped by my direct superior to prevent further damage to be done on factory-group commercial relationship which may affect group's revenue stream (I have no idea how big that client is to the group). At the very same day, my VC friend confronted me on my act and questioned my personal integrity by saying,
"Andrew, have you forgotten your medicine?"
"Are you having any personality disorder?"
Sensing that I was quite angry on her remark, we didn't continue the conversation because anything that followed served nothing productive but damage on our relationship.
We didn't meet after that day, and of course, I was first given a warning letter then "politely" asked to leave the group through indirect communication (messaging through my superior and human resource manager).
To be, this is just another losing trade to lose a hedge (salary) on my overall personal fund, but I began to notice my inclination to challenge authority and inability to trust my superior if s/he is not from the same background or shared profession with me.
There you have it. Words helps to label emotional experience and further calming down the brain through effective storage of emotional experience into hippocampus while activating pre-frontal cortex (the rational mind).
Thank you for reading this and I hope this could help you to understand me more, inspire you or remind you something.
You care and I know who you are
xoxo
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