Monday, July 20, 2009

Father

“Happy Father’s Day”
That reminds me about the role of father in a family. If I will have to conceptualize this according to my personal experience, I will not take this role for myself in the future.
I don’t think I am capable.
Whenever I mention about my oyaji (親父, father as in japanese), I feel ambivalent. Since I first knew him, until now…
He was once our family breadwinner that provided us with certain degree of material before. He bought a nice house, comfortable Toyota, and new home furnishing.
I am thankful for his effort to bring the best for us. I recall how excited I was when he had promised to buy me a personal computer for my UPSR achievement. However, since the moment I saw him negotiating with the bankers and the scene where our first family sedan was dragged away by the bank due to the unpaid overdraft, I knew something was wrong…
The financial situation went worse since then…
Parents were arguing over financial issues almost every night that those noises are still fresh in my mind.
He was sacked for channelling insurance client’s premium into his own private usages. I was thankful that his employer did not file a lawsuit against him.
Since then, he had never sustained any job for more than one year due to his faulty behaviour. Taxi driver, Gillette products retailer, egg monger, salesman, political party employee, hawker…
In order to cover the daily expenditure, he finally decided to approach illegal money loaner for financial solution. By the time this happened, my mum had to take over the role of family breadwinner because all that he earned had gone to along payments. I guess there is when my mum never shows any intimacy against him…
There was certain moment where he stole my mum, my sister, my grandma and my saving to pay the loan sharks. That’s when I started to think that he is no longer the one I can trust…
I can still remember the night where our home was tainted with 2 big packets of red paint as one of the threatening method use by most alongs…
I can feel how about horror it was when my sister was receiving the call which threatened her safety due to oyaji’s incapability to pay them on time…
I know how hard it is for a woman to work almost 16 hours per day to support the family…
I know why I was trying to hang myself when I was 11 and my incapability to help the family as the eldest son…

2 months ago, he left our family without our consent.
Initially, my mum and grandma was quite curious about his disappearance. Nevertheless, when they thought about what he had caused to his own family, we decided to continue our life without him.

Few weeks ago, he made a call to home, telling us that he has landed himself a job in Petaling Jaya. Besides that, he seems to try to care about us by frequent call to home, and to me.
I know that I should give him a chance to change, but frankly speaking, I am yet to accept someone who has instilled negative image about the role of “father” and all those scars in my development…
Should I?













P/S: This is his last job that I know before he left Penang.

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